Experts? Who needs ’em?


“I know a guy who’s got a lot to lose, 

He’s a pretty nice fella, but kind of confused.

He’s got muscles in his head that ain’t never been used …”

– “That’s The Way The World Goes Round” by John Prine

In today’s “information at your fingertips” world, everyone’s an expert. Whether it’s domestic skills like plumbing, electricity, carpentry, fencing, cooking, and fitness, everything you need to know is one YouTube video away. Even better, the accessibility of even the most-advanced human knowledge has expanded into fields like brain surgery, nuclear physics, cancer treatments, and even rocket science.  

Who needs a costly education, and years of study when you have the Internet? Why trust others to make important decisions when there is a vast pool of people willing to share all things medical, political, social, and economic? With all the smarts out there, who needs the eggheads?

It saddens me to think that my own father devoted eight years of his life earning a PhD in chemistry, when, had he been born a few decades later, all he needed to know could have been acquired off the Internet. True, he pioneered techniques in laser surgery and computer construction that helped tens of millions of people during his 45-year career in chemistry, but think of all the wasted time learning to think critically and carefully for himself, when others could have saved him so much unnecessary effort.  

Knowledge about the coronavirus is a perfect example of this bold new landscape. Why trust all the Braniacs at The Center for Disease Control simply because they’ve spent their lives studying diseases and how to prevent them? Let me tell you about a real expert, Charli (with an “i”) Jo at the sandwich shop, told me what’s really going on (lucky for us the Deep State hasn’t taken command of sandwich shops yet). A few months ago, I ordered a tuna melt, but Charli Jo made a meatball hero instead, so while she was remaking the sandwich, she explained to me how the Earth is flat, gravity is a hoax, the moon landing was filmed in a Hollywood studio, and how the sun revolves around the Earth. That’s the kind of knowledge you don’t get in school.

Another example: Our well had a foul smell a few weeks ago, and I was just about to call the company that maintains it, but fortunately, our FedEx driver, Brandi (with an “i”) drove up and said she knew a guy who once saw another guy dump five gallons of bleach into his well to get rid of a bad odor. It was lucky that Brandi happened along, because bleach is cheaper than a service call from a well company. Then, when our dog, Fido, took ill after drinking some well water a few days later, our postal carrier, Whitey, said he knew a woman who had a friend, Franceena, who took care of an old woman whose cat once drank some bleach. Whitey said his friend said Franceena said they gave the dog some ammonia, which is a natural cure for bleach poisoning so we slipped a little into Fido’s food. Had Whitey not happened along, that would have been one expensive visit to the veterinarian. You don’t think they pay for all that schooling by telling you to use a little ammonia, do you?  

 A few days later, at Fido’s funeral (must have been bad ammonia, said the Internet) I developed a terrible rash. Luckily, Brandi made another bleach delivery that day and told me about a website called Heal Yourself, which told me that too much Vitamin C in your diet can lead to rashes. Lucky us, we have Amazon Prime, and the next day, $39.95 later (free shipping, of course!) Whitey delivered a bottle of C-B-Gone. When you consider the cost of a visit to those doctors who do nothing but push drugs at you, $39.95 plus all the free TV you want is a deal. C-B-Gone takes a few months to “notice results,” but I’ll keep you posted as things develop.  

Which leads me back to “What They Aren’t Telling You About The Coronavirus.” I know a guy, Del, who knows a woman, Chastiti (with an “i”) whose daughter, Harmoni (also with an “i”) read a blog post explaining the coronavirus is cured by 5G cellphone waves. Like my grandfather always said, “Think long, think wrong” and it makes more sense than thinking someone in China ate a bat and now we all have to wear masks and can’t go to football games. I mean, how dumb do they think we are?  

I am so “over” being told what to believe by people who think they’re smarter than me, so I’m off to the store to buy a new 5G phone and stop off at the hardware store for some fresh ammonia. 

Here is a chart that Charli Jo gives out at the sandwich shop to help customers understand what’s really going on. Draw a line between the problems in the A column that connect with the right person in the B column.*



View this profile on Instagram


The Chronicle (@thechronicle1909) • Instagram photos and videos