Dear Editor,
There are hidden sides to losing someone. Most feel sadness, a sense of loss, and some happiness. Yet all these feelings are mixed up when you lose some due to suicide.
Last summer I lost a dear friend to suicide. I had known her for close to four and a half years. She was one of my closest friends and even with us growing apart before her death, we always had each others’ backs.
Her passing was sudden, just as most lost through suicide. But even if I knew she was going to pass there’s no handbook on how to handle it.
Once I learned the news, I had many mixed emotions. But the biggest one was guilt. I felt guilty about a lot of things. Some things being not talking to her as much, growing distant from her, and not checking in on her.
The biggest way this affects me is that I forgot to tell her happy birthday. I had set a reminder to message her, but time slipped away and I never did. And now that her birthday is coming up next month, I feel terrible for forgetting; now, I make sure to message everyone that simple message.
Another thing that happened was the questions. Her death left me with more questions than answers. Things like this are difficult because you can ask anyone and they never can give you an answer.
Some questions I began asking were, ”Did she know I loved her?” ”What pushed her to this?” ”Why did she not message me?” ”I thought she was getting better?”
Now, I never will get an answer to these questions, the tragedy is an open door to grow. Her passing has taught me to make sure my friends and family know I care for them and how quickly someone can be gone.
And as it gets close to one year since she passed all I can say is that if anyone ever feels like she did, please reach out. Someone cares about you and wants you to be happy. There are other ways to relieve the pain you are feeling.
Many people are willing to help you through this. Some resources are the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-8255) and the online chat.
Just remember, no matter what, someone cares about you.
