JEANET AND DANIEL CAMPBELL, OF CRESWELL, HOLD HANDS AND REMEMBER THEIR BABY, XANDER, WHO DIED IN JEANET’S WOMB. JEANET’S TATTOO ON HER WRIST PAYS HOMAGE TO THEIR LOST BABY, AS THEY MOURN THEIR LOSS AT THE BEACH ONE AFTERNOON. Photo provided/Jeanet Campbell
‘When a baby is born, it is a mother’s instinct to protect the baby. When a baby dies, it is the mother’s instinct to protect their memory.’ -Unknown
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, with Oct. 15 being the official day of remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. Every year, after the sun goes down, all around the globe, candles are lit to create a ”wave of light” across the globe to reflect and remember these precious lives gone too soon.
What does pregnancy and infant loss awareness month/day mean to me?
Five years ago, the course of our family was altered forever as we were engulfed into a treacherous storm. We walked into our regularly scheduled prenatal appointment, blissfully unaware of the terror that would unfold.
There was no heartbeat.
Our son, Xander, had died in my womb, the place he was supposed to be safe. The world collapsed around me.
April 11, 2013 at 3:52 a.m., Xander Max-Byron entered a silent delivery room. He was 7.5 inches long, 4.6 ounces. He had ten tiny fingers, and ten tiny toes. Not a day goes by that I do not think about our son.
I felt very alone, as do most people who endure this type of loss.
But I wasn’t, and neither are they.
One in every four pregnancies end in a miscarriage. One in every 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth, half without a known cause. Often parents feel disconnected from society. Oftentimes friends and family do not know what to say, and in an effort to stop the pain, offer simple platitudes. The best thing is to simply say, ”I’m sorry for your loss.”This is not something you can fix, but rather acknowledge that it hurts, and that they are in pain, having suffered a great loss.
Life for our family did move forward. We went on to have another son, Gracen, our rainbow baby (the term given for the child born after a previous loss). Our family is full of love and laughter, but there will always be that missing piece.
I share and continue to share about our loss as an advocate for others who have lost their children; in hopes of breaking the silence that surrounds pregnancy and infant loss. I share because some cannot. I share because I have a voice. I share in hopes removing the taboo around child loss. I share as an advocate for my son, because I am his mother, and because he did exist.
